toothless.tears.tuesday

Today, like all other mornings, started off great. I really enjoy my mornings. Not the whole gettting out of bed part but the refreshed feeling i get when i step out of the shower. The sun in my face, a little chill in the air, ready to take the day on. This day was a little more special because my favorite little nine year old was coming by early so i could take her to school. I got up a little earlier so i could spend time with her instead of running around like a basket case looking for my shoe or my keys, the things i lose the most. So during that half hour we gossiped about things no regular nine year old would discuss. But this nine year old is different, special, an old soul. So while talking about the recent election we decided we would play a game of candyland. It was my idea because well...it is the best game ever created! Queen Frostine, Peppermint Patty...amazing! After a few stops on the regular purple, double red and orange blocks it happened...to me of course... i had to go and land on plumpy! PLUMPY! everyone knows once you get smacked back down the board to plumpy there is no surviving...unless you get Jolly but that never happens! So there, at 8am this morning i threw my gingerbread man across the room, stood up and pouted. And just as i taught her to do, my little competitor stood up, laughed in my face, gloated, gloated a little more, and put the game away. We hugged it out and vowed she'd let me win the next time we play. I will hold her to it. Moments later we packed up our things and left for the day. While standing outside of her school waiting for the bell to sound and chatting about all the little personalities in her class and lets not forget her crush...who is a spitting image of someone i once dated even at the age of nine...time stopped. For a second we were both staring at each other because something occured. There was blood, a green apple and a dangling tooth. As she started to scream i went in and tried yanking out the bloody piece of enamel that was now literally one pull away from being in my hand. A swarm of kids came around us and i was a little nervous because the blood...well...it doesn't agree with me. After a good twenty seconds the tooth was now in her tiny hand along with a good amount of blood. Everyone was laughing and although a little nervous i began to ease up and laughed with them too.

After delivering her to safety i began my hop, skip and a jump to work. Upon arriving i bumped into my favorite Aunt A, another nice spot to a morning. She told me my cousin officially obtained his PhD yesterday after many years of schooling and hard work. I was so happy to hear that. He is on my list of favorite cousins and i can't believe he is now a Dr. Just yesterday he was at the dining room table at my old house in Hoboken picking on the Thanksgiving Feast we had. The table was endless and so was his appetite. He was so little. It's scary to think that was fifteen years ago. I am very proud of him! I hope he gives me a free therapy session one day, lord knows i need it!

So as i sit here the clock says 11:23am. My day has been filled with a ton of smiles for being so early. Sadly there has also been some tears or almost tears as i like to call them. I never did let them fall. I purposely selected 'mysticksandstones' as this web name because of the meaning behind it. In my twenty some odd years i have taken on a role that has given me much happiness and unfortunately much grief. I have allowed certain people to hurt my character. Abuse me with words. Break me down until i just could not stand any longer. I am not sure why. I don't know why they would do this to me and i dont know why i allow it. This person is the person i would go to and i know they would be there for me. I consider them to be one of my very best friends. I know who i am. I know my mouth at times can be very shall we say, antagonizing. But i know i still don't deserve the hatred, the pure vemom this person speaks to me. Today, like so many days before this, set me back. Hurt me. Made me want to sit at my desk and cry. I hold this person up in such high regard and i truly feel like that is why it pains me when they make me feel like i am nothing to them. I dont know if this will ever change. It has been a very long time and although at times i think its better it has never fully stopped. Truth is, sometimes i enjoy the feeling of a good fight. I just think when regarding this specific person the fight has left me. I am tired. I threw my towel down a long time ago...i just wish they would.

Its nearing lunch, the sun is shining, i am going to see one of my best friends tonight for her birthday, lets not to mention my hair looks great today. I just have to keep repeating something my mom taught me so many years ago. Words i will never forget...

Sticks & Stones may break my bones but your words will never hurt me.