Sunday, November 16, 2008

Angel in a blue dress

Last night I went to a local bar for a drink. A drink = 3 shots & 2 cocktails but i was completely sober. I always find the need to defend myself, hate that! So there i was sitting in a circle of about 8 people. We were all exchanging stories of paranormal experiences. Aside from one or two skeptics we all seemed to believe each others stories. I opted to just listen and sit the conversation out because aside from scaring myself daily i have really only had two absolute moments when i was given a glimpse into a world that one day i will be a part of. One of those goes as follows...
I couldn't tell you the exact date because i was pretty doped up on morphine and didnt even know my name. I was purposely being medicated by a staff of 4 doctors due to a surgery that took place a few days before. All of the details i am about to tell you took place on a cold day back in January, 2003 on the 14th floor of the NYU medical center.
I remember seeing a few people poking their heads around in my room. It was very foggy though, as if they were floating around and the light was annoyingly bright. I knew these people. They were family members. They would bring food for themselves and relay around me conversating for what seemed like hours. I didnt talk. I just layed there. I can't explain why because its not that I didnt want to talk to them, I just physically couldn't. All i wanted to do was lay there and sleep, dose, dream. During one of those seven days i saw something that has stayed with me even six years later and will remain with me until i am able to see them again.
For a moment i was alone in the room. I looked around as if to soak it all in. I could hear my father outside my door talking to my Godfather. My eyes were still very unclear and most things looked hazey. I was focused on one spot in the room. It was in between the doorway and the Tv that was constantly on. I dont know what pulled me in that direction but whatever it was, i am glad it chose me. Within moments i was staring into the eyes of my grandmother (who died when i was three) and my grandfather who died only a few years before. I was close to my grandfather and haven't gone a day without thinking about all of our chats over Italian pastries. It wasn't a suprise that he would make a front row appearance during one of the most important weeks in my life. He was holding a cake and my grandmother guided the other end of the cake dish. She was wearing a blue dress and he was in a tuxedo. Their outfits weren't from this time although i'd wear that blue dress in a heartbeat. They smiled at me but their smiles were the widest smiles i have ever seen. I am not sure if i smiled back at them but i could not turn away. I sucked it all in and wished this feeling wouldn't end. It seemed like a very long time but i knew it only lasted seconds. My grandfather made me feel like he was really proud of me. He didn't say anything to me but i felt as if that is what he was telling me. My grandmother shrugged her shoulders and lifted her hand as if to give me a wave while all along holding on to the other end of the cake plate. And just as quickly as they appeared they began to drift away from me. The image grew darker and darker and before i knew it they were gone. I layed there and held this moment in my mind for hours. I dont know if i was smiling on the outside but inside i was elated. I thought about their smiles the entire time i was in the hospital and during my recovery months at home. They gave me hope and everytime something hurt or i was afraid i thought of them. Today, six years later i still can see their faces smiling back at me. I know my experience was real. I know it was their way of telling me they were with me when i needed them. I had so many conversations growing up with my grandfather. All of them meant something to me but at the time they were just two people talking to each other. The conversation that meant the most to me just so happen to be the only one when not a word was spoken. I can' t wait to have another moment with them. I know they are constantly watching me and in some way guiding me to make the decisions i should be making. Thank you pop-pop & grandma!
Until we meet again...

2 comments:

Tink08 said...

how sad is that?!!!! i'm really depressed that i read that. is that true? did you really see them? that blog gave me the chills. write more please... by the way- i love mustard too.i always over due it with the mustard. my favorite memory is sitting outside with mommy and daddy when the summer nights seemed endless. i swear we sat outside and played walsies until dark. once it got dark we still sat outside. i have NO idea what we did, but i enjoyed it. going into that icecream factory was awesome too. playing in jessica and jasons garage with garage tin cans and leaves was pretty cool too. weird... seems like so long ago! did you hear, I am cousin Ryan's first client:)

Tim Heitz said...

Hey Amy--

Great stuff! Your stories are funny, heartwarming, and reassuring. Keep it up! I'll keep checkin in =)