Friday, November 28, 2008

Memories of January

I have pretty much done nothing today. Got out of bed and resumed the same position on the couch for a few hours. Nothing good was even on tv. Yesterday was a House marathon. Why couldn't have it been today? Who had time to watch their favorite show all day??? I was too busy preparing my house for the fam to come over. I think we had a pretty good time. Aside from my dad who fell asleep on my couch at around 8pm we all stayed up and played games the rest of the night. Well, unfortunately one of my brothers was ill so he stayed home and in bed the entire day. While my other brother was loud enough for the both of them. He found himself losing every game so eventually he just decided he'd hit me everytime i beat him. I developed a twitch from flinching so was hilarious.

So today has just been a very lazy day. I did get some laundry done but thats about it. I did a lot of thinking today. Ever try to imagine your future but can never exactly see yourself doing the things you dream about? I often have this problem. Ever since i can remember i have always been one to live in my future. I don't really think its a good thing but its just how i've always been. Someone once said i was a dreamer. While that might be true in some cases i dont think i am a dreamer at all when it comes to my every day life. I don't have many goals that can't be reached so i'm not exactly dreaming up the impossible. I know we should always want more for ourselves and i do want the best for me but my best comes down to only a few things...good health for those i care about & myself, live with 0 debt, an equal relationship that leads into marriage and a small family if i am lucky. These are the things that make me happy. I realized that when i was about 17/18 years old and fell in love for the first time. I was always happy but it just showed me a different way to be happy. A way that included someone else to share it with. Hard to explain unless you've had it. I think i've had a lot of luck with love. I can't say i've dated very much but the people i have shared those words with have each taught me something major.
Today i watched a movie and someone made a comment regarding first loves. They said although most people don't wind up with their first loves they never ever forget them. For some reason that first experience stays with you. Its not that you loved that person more...its just that you loved them differently. Is that how you all felt when you found love for the first time?

I have always said my first love was out of a movie. At least thats how i felt about him/it. We met by chance eleven years ago and although its probably a bit weird, i remember every single part of that night. I didn't really go out much in high school. I was always home with my family or doing something for a sport. I enjoyed my friends and never had any interest in dating. I had a little crush on my classmate senior year. I did what all girls did and gabbed about it to my friend T. She then did what the rest of us would have done and told a few more people. Eventually it got back to his girlfriend who then picked a fight with him about it. They broke up and he invited me out one night with friends. At the end of the night we kissed, i still remember how i went to get out of the car and he tugged on my coat. I never would have initiated that kiss with him. The next monday at school they were back together and i was the girl who sent him back to her. So much for dating, huh? Today, she is married and i just saw him out last month looking nothing like i imagined. We laughed about that night in the car, little did he know he sent me right into the arms of my first love. The next weekend i was so upset that same friend T invited me to a party forty five minutes away from home. Just what i needed. As soon as we got there i wanted to leave. The house was something i wasn't used to. Big & cold.The crowd was strange, drinking and doing God knows what. I sat on the couch and didnt speak. Eventually i was introduced to the person who was throwing the party. I remember thinking he seemed nice but his hair was way too long. Four months later he was my boyfriend, the big cold house became a home that i frequently visited and he became a part of my history. It is so strange thinking back to those times and thinking of who he is today and who i am. We really were just kids but i know whatever we had was so real. I dont know if a lot of people can say really great things about their first experiences but mine were perfect. No matter how i feel today nothing can take away from those amazing feelings. I am so blessed to have had them. The next time i fell in love came later and it felt completely different...imagine that?

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